Gloria Allred and a New Championship Trophy

When I was younger all I ever wanted was to see a ghost, some type of apparition, a specter of some sorts.  A horrifying monster like Freddy Kruger would have been nice but even as a child I knew that was a stretch, in hindsight I realize I would have settled for a unicorn. Something, anything to show me that we walk in a world filled with more than just the ordinary and quantifiable. I supposed this hunger for strange and malevolence faded over time because I opted against the path of rogue scientist or criminal defense attorney.  A choice I still question from time to time.

I figure comedy, acting and creative marketing allow me similar opportunities into the underbelly of society. Along with providing an equal likelihood of selling my soul somewhere along the way.

I do not believe I have actually completed that transaction yet, but If I have, I was most certainly given a check that thus far has not cleared.   

But I think in most professions and in life we are given ample opportunity to privately and sometimes publically sell our souls. For many of us, when this opportunity presents itself, we flee in retreat like sad cast off from “The Bachelor”. The moment was here, then in a blink- gone. We fall back into whatever we were doing and the memory of our chance to sell our dignity for a larger moment in time becomes nothing more that ill faded memory.  

Maybe it’s spring fever, maybe it was the love of the game, or maybe it was the vacuuming void that is now where Gloria Allred’s soul used to be-   But whatever may have put things over the top- yesterday we given the opportunity to see a man sell every bit of his soul and all of his dignity in a short press conference. 

 It was a high speed train wreck of carnage, it was two thousand years of lawyer jokes, it was a man being led down a path of his own destruction in the center ring of the circus by the devil herself.

 Everyone may have been screaming, “Don’t Do It!” We are all really thinking, “My God, he’s actually doing it!” A level of comedy and amusement that normally requires a reservation and/or advanced purchase of tickets.

Let’s put aside the darling children and their delightfully orchestrated matching pink and pigtails. Who I commend on performing as well as any child from central casting could have done. Their father is the star here! He will not be upstaged but a beloved pair of actresses holding sheets of paper as if ready to take over when and if Miss Allred stumbled.

When a man is plucked from obscurity and given a stage to sell not only his dignity but his family’s, the credit goes where it is rightfully deserved.  

“Now if you could just hold your hand up, make a hole with your fingers and let me slide this bat back and forth, I think we’ll have the last of your self-respect.”

But if it’s any consolation, and it should be, whatever it cost this man in dignity, pride, self worth, humiliation, ridicule and laughter – it was worth it tenfold.

Just think of the lawyers salivating at the opportunity to use this as an example.

Think of the baseball fans that will forever thank you for the 5^th inning punch line when the game has gotten slow.

Think of all the clubhouse jokes happening right now!

Think of the inspiration you have given to everyone with dignity still up for sale.

Think of the lesser man who could never have done what you did.

One day a simple baseball fan, the next, a champion in Hell.